I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Can I color on your dick again?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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