If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
only you would photoshop your dick
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
