Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
