"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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