Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
