If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
