This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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