I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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