Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
