we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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