If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
