just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
