All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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