look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
