He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
