the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
