It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
