Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
