just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
