i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
