he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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