shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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