I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We left the knife in your bed.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
