If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
