Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
