like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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