This is not my ceiling
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
