I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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