Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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