sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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