Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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