It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
40s are totally the cure
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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