I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
