why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
