my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
