his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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