Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
