I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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