I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
