So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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