my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
