She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
