dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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