Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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