did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
