we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
