DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
