I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
ugly people sure do ruin things
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I did not marry a roomba.
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