So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My vagina is very pro this idea
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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