OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
