found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
